Well, it has been awhile since I have blogged. Interesting enough, I did okay. Last week for the entire week, I cried like as if you had just passed away. It was hard, sad and very emotional. I was hurting and aching for LJ. I just wanted him here and be able to hold once again. Waiting each night when I tried to fall asleep to see him in my dreams.
Last night, I had a dream. A dream where I was holding him for the first time since he passed away. He had no tubes, monitors, IV's or medication being administered to him. He was just a typical soon-to-be 6mos old who was loving me and allowing me to love him back. I was carrying him while I was walking down the aisle to my wedding to his dad. Wish so hard and so strongly that it was a reality. I miss him so much. I miss you Tunky!
Today, I am tooting my own horn and praising myself for a job well done. I did the unthinkable and threw a private babyshower for my friend. The whole time, I thought of my son, yet was so thrilled that I was able to do this for a friend and be able to get through it without tears. This is the first of many new beginnings that shows that I am trying and doing my very best as to moving forward with life. A life without him, but blessed that we have many moments to look back on and say "I am so proud to call you my son, you are a fighter and I will love you to the end of time..."
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